Number2Fan Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. I love the bit where you shout Woo-woo!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasonB Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 very random but very good comparisonage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Number2Fan Posted March 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 You think it's random here? I found it in "cat chat" on a pet msg board! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JasonB Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 Even more random Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonross46 Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 WOO WOO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emy Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I just shower making sure I remember I take my clothes off first Easy mistake to make Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uberduck Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's scary is that I almost conform to the womans shower routine (apart from the face scrub). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 What's scary is that I almost conform to the womans shower routine (apart from the face scrub). So you shave your armpits and legs eh? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonman Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 it's also missing the "genital topiary" section from the blokes, or is this just me. You gotta keep things neat y'know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emy Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I had a bath earlier What bathing methods should I have taken??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonman Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I had a bath earlierWhat bathing methods should I have taken??? I dont know why, but farting in the bath makes me laugh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simcut Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 lol, I dont understand how anyone could p*** in the shower, that's just wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonross46 Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I have more baths than showers, because the bath is just next to my bedroom and the shower is on the other side of the house!!! Some days I will sit and soak until I'm all wrinkley, then put some hot in (by that time its cold) and get to business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonman Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 do you fart in the bath simon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simcut Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 When I was a kid I used to fart in the bath and laugh when there were bubbles, and then almost die at teh smell good times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonross46 Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I have done yes, but who hasn't? Like Simcut says, its extremely strong when you do it in the bath - how does that work anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Mental Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 Its cos the heat in the bath warms your fart bubbles, and gases smell stronger when hot. I knew my degree would come in handy one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uberduck Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 I have done yes, but who hasn't? The females on the board haven't. Women don't do things like that! Or do they .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 The females on the board haven't. Women don't do things like that! Or do they .......... They do - they just wouldn't admit to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judge Mental Posted March 14, 2009 Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 I don't care who you are, if you don't find farting in the bath funny, there's something wrong with you. Its with you from when you're born, you found it funny as a baby and is one of the saving graces of serious life, that you can still laugh at daft stuff. Personally I like to vary my bath farts, generally I ease it out to get maximum bubbelage (sp), but you get times, depending on the book you're reading, when you like to send a small explosion through the darkest depths of bath ocean that your family can hear in the room below. If you can't pull at least a satisfied grin at that I don't want to conversate with you cos chances are your patter is s***r than your bath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quadrant Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 I often wash my sword in the bath. Good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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