THE CHAV CHRISTMAS STORY.

[Quadrant]

"There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?),

she's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?

He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'

Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gob

smacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no

Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.

Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an'

that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I

reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.'

Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'. Mary an' Joe ain't got

no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that.

They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an

Joe 'break an enta' into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals.

Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper

bling, wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus',

an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'

myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got

another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin

an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better naff off to Egypt.'

Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think that I'm goin' dahn Egypt

on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.'

So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'

it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref,

an' Jesus turns water into Stella."

Merry Christmas......................

[dormouse]

Ha ha, excellent!

Nice one.

[KR Tech]

I've been laughing for over a minute reading this! Brilliant.

[Chrissie Brown]

Very cleverly put together.

[Neuro]

Haha! This is simply superb! This is going as a sticky for a short while

[Quadrant]

I love this and had to post it, but I've discovered some people either don't like it or just don't see it as funny. I think the reasons for this are because they are either chavs themselves, or that they're so uneducated that they don't know the real story of Christmas from the Bible in the first place, and thus can't compare it to this version. :roll: