Briggsy Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Right guys, I need a bit of help because my head is a bit chewed up at the moment. To cut a long story short, a mate of mine told me at the start of January that she liked me more than just a mate and wondered if things would ever go as far as a relationship. Back then, I said that i wanted to remain just friends becasue if thigs didn't work out, I didn't want to lose her as a mate completely. I'm also good friends with her older sister, so if things didn't work out, I wouldn't want her sister being funny with me either. The thing is, since then, i've started having feelings for her too. We get on really well, have a good laugh together, and enjoy each others company. The thing is, she's only 17, and i'm 28 - so i'm not sure how that would go down. Her parents wouldn't have anything against it because they like me anyway - they've always said i'm a lovely lad, blah blah blah. People would talk, but I cna handle them - I don't let things like that bother me. I'm just wondering if the age gap would cause problems. She's quite mature for her age, whereas i'm quite young at heart (not immature - just young at heart. I've got a serious head when I need it, but other than that, my outlook on life is the same as it was 10 years ago). Also, although we get on really well, etc, we have completely different interests and ways of life. Then there's the risk of losing a mate (possibly two) if it don't work out What do you suggest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Kane Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Mate this may sound very very patronising but go with what ya feel, be impulsive & worry about it later, if things go tits up then they do not really anythin ya can do about it. Might just be my outlook but I alwyas act impulsively and can deal with it if things f*ck up. I'm dying to see what Quadrant suggests though :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quadrant Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Bin her. There is absolutely no future in dating a person (or persons) a decade younger than you, if you are serious about commiting to a stable relationship. Firstly, despite the fact she may be mature for her age (mentally), that goes without saying, because females do mature quicker than guys, so it is not a valid reason to go out with her. Secondly, she is still at school (presumably), therefore your outlook on life is completely different. In fact, it couldn't be more different, because you're each at very different stages of life. Therefore your priorities will be different, and you'll be doing different things in your daily life which in turn means that your lives simply cannot slot together or work alongside each other harmoniously; you say yourself your interests and ways of life are completely different. Thirdly, if you go along with the relationship, you risk losing friends when it breaks up (where is the long term future in this? There isn't any.). Fourthly, she could be your younger sister. Fifthly, the age gap would cause massive social problems, I would not kid yourself or her either; it's a massive age gap at a delicate time in her life when she is setting herself up for life. Sixthly, if you're good friends with her, why go out with her? Is it because it's an easy alternative because you know she likes you, or because you really want to go ahead with it... would you have asked her out if she hadn't previously expressed her desires for you? Seventhly, what would her parents say? I know females love going out with guys who are least 16 times their age but eventually a few years down the line it will become strained, not least with the relatives. I believe you can make 3 choices: 1) Keep her as a very close friend (my advice - you can't go wrong there), OR 2) Have her as a F-buddy, purely for casual sex and other exciting acts which you both enjoy without being in a relationship, OR 3) Go out with her older sister instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjorn Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Yeh, i would agree. Although u may feel uncomfortable about your circumstances (friendship etc) you have to go with your instinct. Its good to get ppl's opinions but only u will be satisfied with your choice. Having split up and had hassle with other women recently, ive had enuff of em for a while!! I thought me & my ex would be ok after, but somedays i find myself f***ing hating her for no real reason (just the fact she split up with me), but others im ok - so i guess you don't know how things will be (if for example u did split up) unti lafetrwards, so u can't really make a decision based on the long-term in that respect. Probably best talkin to her mate, talk things over, she exactly how she feels as that can help u make your decision a lot easier :thumbsup: Get Tim on this, he's good with women advice the bloody slag :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Kane Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Bin her.2) Have her as a F-buddy, purely for casual sex and other exciting acts which you both enjoy without being in a relationship, OR 3) Go out with her older sister instead. The wait was worthwile :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjorn Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart F Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Interesting one mate. I'm useless at this sort of advice but if you do start a relationship with her and things go tits up, then the good friendship may be lost but if you don't, you may think 'What If?'. Personally, I'm single at the moment and have been for 8 months. It's brilliant. For me a woman costs time and money, neither of which I want to waste. I can do whatever I want whenever I want with no restrictions. If there is sport on TV when i finish DJ'in at 2am, I can go straight home and watch it rather than having to grudgingly spend time with a girlfriend. I know I'm selfish in that respect but that's just me and I'm not gonna change anytime soon :mrgreen: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Interesting one mate. I'm useless at this sort of advice but if you do start a relationship with her and things go tits up, then the good friendship may be lost but if you don't, you may think 'What If?'. Exactly mate! I've not been in many relationships - but when I have, they've lasted for around 3 years. We've always parted on good terms and remained good friends - the only exception was my last ex, who, to be honest, was a complete psycho. Personally, I'm single at the moment and have been for 8 months. It's brilliant. For me a woman costs time and money, neither of which I want to waste. I can do whatever I want whenever I want with no restrictions. If there is sport on TV when i finish DJ'in at 2am, I can go straight home and watch it rather than having to grudgingly spend time with a girlfriend. I know I'm selfish in that respect but that's just me and I'm not gonna change anytime soon :mrgreen: This is one thing that bothers me too. I've been single for a year now, and if i'm honest, i've enjoyed being single. I've enjoyed the freedom to do as I please - I can see mates when I like, I can go where I like when I like, and if i've had a hard day at work, I can just come home and chill out rather than forcing myself to go to see a girlfriend because I have to. My previous ex wanted me to see her every day, wouldn't let me have any free time to myself, and cut me off from all my mates. I'd never felt as s*** in my life as I did then. I'm also paying off a £27,000 debt (well, only £12,000 to go now, but still hefty) - so I don't have a great deal of money to treat someone and go out often. I wouldn't mind a relationship if there's soem give and take and we're both allowed our free time - but I don't want another girlfriend likemy ex. She was plain evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Secondly, she is still at school (presumably), therefore your outlook on life is completely different. In fact, it couldn't be more different, because you're each at very different stages of life. Therefore your priorities will be different, and you'll be doing different things in your daily life which in turn means that your lives simply cannot slot together or work alongside each other harmoniously; you say yourself your interests and ways of life are completely different. In all honesty, her outlook on life is probably better than mine. She's in her second year at college qualifying to become a chef. She has goals and plans and knows where she wants to go in life. I'm completely different in that my mind still thinks the same as it did ten years ago. I'm not interested in houses, mortgages, starting a family and having kids. I've got a young head on an old body. I live for today and don't expect much in life. As long as i'm happy, I make other people happy, and generally enjoy what I do in life, then thats all that matters to me. One of my good mates died when he was 19 years old - and since then, its taught me not to take life seriously. I don't intend to make plans now so that i'm happy in 10 years time if I might not be around then (sound harsh, but any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow...). Fifthly, the age gap would cause massive social problems, I would not kid yourself or her either; it's a massive age gap at a delicate time in her life when she is setting herself up for life. I'm not sure about that either - age doesn't always have to be a problem. Yes, it can cause problems, but not always. When their are serious clashes of personality, lifestyles or goals because of age, then it becomes a problem - but as I say, i'm quite young at heart, and she's quite mature - so that balances things out more from a mental point of view. The majority of my good mates are aged between 19-22. My best mate is 19. All of my older mates have settled down with houses, kids and got married - and since then, they've become quite dull. I can't be arsed to sit down a pub with them talking about mortgage rates and what time their baby woke them last night. I'd rather talk about PS2 games and football results with my younger mates. My previous ex's have always been about 6 years younger than me, and two of those relationships lasted for 3 and a half years, so that proves that age isn't an issue. Sixthly, if you're good friends with her, why go out with her? Is it because it's an easy alternative because you know she likes you, or because you really want to go ahead with it... would you have asked her out if she hadn't previously expressed her desires for you? I've definately not shown an interest because she's an "easy alternative". I've been happily single for just over a year now, and I wasn't really looking for anyone either. I could quite happily go another year being single - it doesn't bother me. I had had feelings for this girl before she said anything, but I never told her because I didn't think she liked me in that way, and I didn't want to spoil a friendship. And the reason why I want to be more than just friends? Well, we get on really well as friends, spend a lot of time together and enjoy each others company. If we get on that well, then why not take things further - who knows where it could lead if things work out. Living together? House? Kids?... That wouldn't happen as mates. Seventhly, what would her parents say? In all honesty, her parents would mind in the slightest. Actually, I think they'd very much approve. She's had ex's that have treated her bad in the past, whereas her parents know me very well and know i'd treat her well and respect her. They'd know she's safe with me. They couldn't say anything about the age because her parents got together when her mum was 16 and her dad was 27 and they're now happily married for 14 years with 5 kids. I believe you can make 3 choices: 1) Keep her as a very close friend (my advice - you can't go wrong there), OR 2) Have her as a F-buddy, purely for casual sex and other exciting acts which you both enjoy without being in a relationship, OR 3) Go out with her older sister instead. That was a joke? :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducky Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Some good advice, i would agree with go with how you feel. This will probably sound a bit cliche but at the end of the day we are only here once and if you want to go for it with her and dont, then you will only end up regretting it in the future, thinking what could have been. My sister is 22 and her boyfriend is 30 and they have been together for 5 years, have a child and are due to get married, so in this case shows that age doesnt always matter. Sometimes having different interests can be better than having the same so dont worry, if its meant to be its meant to be, theres nothing wrong in giving it a try matey. If she is mature like you have said then if things didnt work out im sure she would agree and understand. You must have something if you are friends in the first place and get on well, so why not matey. Believe me being single is a blast and sometimes i wish i still was but it can get a bit lonely after so many years. I have been with my missus for 5 years and although we have our occassional spats have been through alot in that time which has made us stronger, she can really do my head in and annoy me big style at times but thats just WOMEN!!!!! we both give each other space and have young heads on us and are not boring people who talk about mortgage rates even though we have one and have children!!! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissie Brown Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Get Tim on this, he's good with women advice the bloody slag :mrgreen: We all know what Tim would do, he would go out with both of them. Personally, l don't think you should go out with her. And who knows, she could be just a tease. On the other hand you only live once, and its all about having as much fun as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Sometimes having different interests can be better than having the same so dont worry, if its meant to be its meant to be, theres nothing wrong in giving it a try matey. True mate, the best girl I ever went out with had completely different interests from me, but it never affected us. We got on sooo well and still do to this day. We only split because she was training to be a teacher in Edinburgh, and I was down her in Coventry. We were seeing each other less and less because of the distance, and I was even flying up to Edinburgh and back on the same day at £170 each way to try to save us, but realistically, the distance was a huge problem. We all know what Tim would do, he would go out with both of them. Tim is a decent chap and all that, but he's just not my type And who knows, she could be just a tease. No no, she's definately not like that. Trust me, the vast majority of girls her age down here are still "experimenting" and teasing, etc - but she's not like that at all. She's been single longer than me but had opportunities, but turned them all down because they've been lads that will mess her about or just be after one thing. This is where she's a lot maturer than most people her age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducky Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 I can tell you want to matey, just go for it, you have nothing to lose, you will only end up wondering what could have been otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simcut Posted March 1, 2007 Report Share Posted March 1, 2007 Yep, what Ducky poo's said, just go for it ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neuro Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 A tough one this. Go and have some drinks with her when you both have acres of time at a weekend, explain to her simply what you feel and find out what she feels right now as well. Sometimes it helps to do something different - I took a German girl out for breakfast last year at a smart tapas place I found by chance down a sidestreet that week. Originality always goes down a treat! At the end of the day, the whole point is to make each other happy, so if spending more time together achieves that, then go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djtonyg Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 Ok - from what I can gather from this post everyone has given you some good sound advice - however for every potential concern/issue that has been raised surrounding this you have come back with an answer as to why it would be ok for you to see her. To me that quite clearly says you know what you want to do - so who gives a f*** what anyone else thinks just go ahead and do it........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ducky Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Much happened Briggsy mate? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonman Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 hmmm, i'd have to say leave it mate. I'd always be wondering what she'll be doing when she hits 21-22. She's gonna wanna do things that you might not. At 18 she should be going to ritzy's getting drunk and getting laid for a year or so (you have to get it out of your system) then start to discover proper clubs etc etc... not tied in a potential heavy relationship. I'm not saying age is an issue, but for me personally i dont date anyone 3 years either side my own age (25). I've had my share of psycho exes too. The last one actually works in the same organisation as me, although in a different office at a different area of town. She made me give up DJing too saying that "The weekend should be our nights, to spend quality time together". I got her and her mates into gigs for nowt, and she got free drinks! She got jealous of the girls i knew from my old job too etc etc and to be honest, i wasnt ready for a serious relationship. The same thing happened with the fcuk buddy route too. I find a fcuk buddy then a week later after a week away i got 44 text messages from her beggin me to go round this that and the other. She got way to clingy. Nope, for the time being, i'm happy being single, although if the right girl came along then who knows, but this time i'm not quitting DJing again! whatever you decide, good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Sorry i've not replied sooner to this. My internet connection has been down at home. I'm still trying to get it sorted - but i'm banging my head against a brick wall trying to get my point across to a call centre in Bombay Anyway, i've not really taken this any further. We're good mates and always will be - which is the most important thing. I like her, she likes me - but in all honesty, i've enjoyed being single for the last year or so. Its allowed me time to go where I like, when I like with nobody to answer to, its allowed me time to develop my website, and its allowed me time to focus on my DJ'ing - so i'm happy as I am. My last ex was the girlfriend from hell - everything I did wasn't good enough, I was never allowed time to myself, etc - I really can't be arsed with all of that again. I'd rather just have myself to answer to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrewca2 Posted March 20, 2007 Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Just bang her then her sister and then their mother :thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonman Posted March 20, 2007 Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Just bang her then her sister and then their mother :thumbsup: Like the Brady Bunch we're keeping this one in the family... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gregg Posted March 20, 2007 Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Like the Brady Bunch we're keeping this one in the family... sounds like a julesism! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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